I Can See Me Can You?

To be, or not to be, that is the question I face when I depart the doors of my home in search of the catalyst for my intellectual stimulation fix for the day. Could I simply dress in fabrics that would allow me to blend in as if I were a frightened chameleon in the heart of the jungle why, of course, but will I instead choose to walk the road less traveled, or possibly even the road yet to be discovered. It hardly seems like a choice anymore for, with the dawn of each new light, I continue to throw on my explorers cap and set forth on new adventures into the unknown.

Will today be the day I will receive a look from a conservative that believes I’m what’s wrong with the world today? Who believe I have corrupted the next generation. Or the country will fall into a downward spiral of yo’s and sagging pants. Possibly. So, as I drape myself in the colors of Africa, a country I have never known, and tighten my belt to hold these pants just shy of where the dominant culture tells me they should be. I’m searching. Looking for freedom I’m told I have. Hoping for the nods and glances from the opposite sex. Hiding, from the scowls of those who swore to protect me because we’re born under the same flag, yet cannot wait until the cold steel bracelets on their hips grip tightly against my wrist, I search.

The only help I have in my search is the dark tint of my skin which already acts as its own vacuum that pulls in every glance from all directions with no end to the parade of eyes which see my skin and assume. Even still, I assist the skin in this journey. With every accessory I can clutch, I poke, drape, and wrap, until I am left with no space untouched, no feature unassisted, and I venture out into the unknown, and wait to be seen.

Ostentatious is a particular term, which is aligned with the above behaviors. When I first heard this word I was 14 and, in that moment, I knew that this word would be important in the coming days and with that knowledge I sought to understand it. The discovery of the meaning made all become clear; it’s almost as if this word was design for me. In that moment, I knew this was apart of me, my word is ostentatious, and this I am.

-Marc Thompson